Second

Twenty one years and still counting. I am actually surprised by my ability to exist. After all, I am a nothing anyway. When I'm there, it seems like I'm not, and when I'm not there, nothing's different altogether. I am a ghost of anger, regret and resentment. Sometimes I wonder why I was even brought to this life. I don't think I'll ever truly understand my purpose. Humans were supposed to be made from love, right? It's what separates them from other living creatures. I guess I'm not even that. I guess I do understand that my purpose in this life is to be the forgotten, miserable one - simply there to make everyone else think that they are lucky to not be me. I just wish I could be somebody for just one day. Anybody. I wish I knew how it feels like to be someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's best friend, someone's lover. I wish I knew how it feels to be number one. I am always second choice, and second choice is practically nothing. I don't know what I did that was so horrible that I deserved this nothingness. I am obedient, punctual, I never break the rules, I smile to almost anything. Was that so horrible? I am getting sick of this life, this emptiness, that sometimes I wonder what it's like to be in another life. Many times as I let the tears drop to my pillow, I considered taking that journey; but I have this fear that even after a hundred lifetimes, I would still be everyone else's number two.