Cycle

The end. This is usually how all stories end. Not this story. This story started in the end. The drama began when I said goodbye. I left without an explanation -- I had none for myself. I just know that I am willing but I am scared. You had no clue of what happened to our fairy tale. You were left puzzled. This was the beginning of an unending moratorium. You called me for days, you went to my house, but I just had too many excuses. Hence, you gave me my space. You patiently waited for an answer even though you are dying a little everyday for not knowing. I thought that being alone would end this frantic ambivalence. It did not. It made me miss you when you were away but it made me want you to go away when you are here. I could not understand what was happening to me, until I realized that you are my friend. You always have been that person who would protect me, make me laugh, give me a hug, hold my hand and wipe my tears. It was too late when I realized I made a mistake when I fell into the trap. The trap of thinking I was in love. Well, you fell for it first. It was just foolish of me to jump in for a rescue without thinking of a strategy. I figured out how to get out of the trap. I tried it, it worked. I wanted to help you get out, too. Somehow my way does not work for you. Whenever I tried, it was either I got dragged in or you got hurt in trying. Nonetheless, I did not want to stop. I was selfish to force upon my perspective. It was selfish because I did not know whether you wanted to get out. Maybe you did not. Maybe you refuse my way because you have your own, but until then, until I am sure that you would be able to escape with nothing as much as a scar that I caused, I would not stop trying. I have a feeling this might take a while. It might even take forever. This story would never end. How could it when it is a never-ending cycle of beginning in the end?

My silly bum life realizations

Seriously, chef Gordon Ramsay is one of my idols. No, I am not a cook. I can't even cook for myself! I'm just a push-over teenager who lived in the shadow of others all my life. Now that I graduated college and I am turning twenty in less than twenty days, it's about time for a change. Ironically, my bum life gave me all the time to think. Well, that is in between writing blog entries, tutoring my sister, and watching my cute hamsters. I have come to realize certain things in life.

First, life is full of lemons, and I sure hate lemonades. Seriously, life's lemonade is like a left over of our problems. Sure, it tastes better, but it certainly cannot be denied that it still has that sourness that makes our faces twitch. If we choose to solve our problems, why not go all the way? Why not go for a scrumptious meringue pie instead of lemonade? This sure reminds me of Mythbusters. "If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing."

Second, there is no such thing as glass half-empty because technically, the glass is always full. It always has one part water and one part air. It is not about the positive thinking nor the negative thinking. It is about the right perspectives. You know how some photographers take on extreme measure just to get a perfect forced perspective? That is what I am talking about. Sometimes you just have to set aside all your beliefs, all your morals to see a new possibility. I always keep in mind what football coach Jimmy Johnson said, "The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra."

Last, life is unfair as it is. Just deal with it. No to pop the bubble, but we are all going to leave this life anyway. As long as life is playing dirty, why not play dirty as well. I do not mean for you to break the Ten Commandments or the freaking Constitution. What I mean is, why not let loose a little. After all, it is your life! Nah, I got nothing witty here. All I have is... "dance hard, laugh hard, turn the music up now, party like a rock star, can I get a what now?" What, me teaching a lesson using "Till I Forget About You" by Big Time Rush? Oh, no. I was just fangirling mode with Logan Henderson! See? Even a nerd like me needs distractions like this.

So, there. I found all the time in the world to read quotes by great people, waste my time in front of the tv, and listen to pop music. On top of all that, I found the time to collect my thoughts and organize them. Somehow, I feel that I would be looking back at this entry a lot in the future!