My life in a flash: a thank you note

More of a rant than a thank you note, but seriously, I mean everything I say here. The things here are mostly the ones that contributed to my successes and failures in school -- my inspirations and motivations, and the things that turned the tables.

I'm a plain Jane, always has been. In preschool, I was no social butterfly who would be every kid's best friend or the gifted one who could read words with long vowel sounds. Nope, I was the kid who would sit in one corner playing by myself until someone approached me. Throughout my three years in preschool it was the same thing. Yes, I graduated on top of my class, but it didn't make me feel special in anyway. It was only until the very end of kindergarten 2 where I found my first best friend. Ironically, she was in the other class. I met her due to a dance performance for our graduation in preschool. We sat together during breaks from rehearsals. We stuck together during first grade and the years that followed. We would play together, share our snacks, and oftentimes be groupmates in school activities. We don't hang out as much as we used to anymore, but I am very thankful that she made grade school fun and memorable for me.

I love my four playmates very much, though other kids come and go from our group. I was six when we first met, our family just moved into the neighborhood. Everyday after school and during weekends we would play together, get our bodies sweaty sometimes bloody, sometimes we would even get in trouble because of the pranks that we play. We play pretty rough back then. Very very childish. When I was ten, it was their turn to move all the way across the sea (or to Visayas). I was in tears when they left. I never saw them or heard from them again after that day. However, I am very thankful that they made my childhood fun and exciting.

High school was and still is the best four years of my life! There's nothing like being surrounded by the comfort of home and the feeling of ohana everywhere. I wasn't exactly the active type nor the social type. I may even be categorized as a nerd, but it didn't matter because I had the best batchmates ever! Of course, high school will not be the best without my BFF (yep, I believe forever hasn't come yet, and I don't think it will come sometime soon). Then again, we owe it all to Alexander Grahambell. I mean we do talk and have fun in school, but the real fun begins when we talk over the phone. She is the best secret-keeper in the entire world. She has been through every silly idea, every foolish infatuation, every mindless crying, just everything in my life! I am thankful that God gave me an opportunity to meet my future maid of honor (haha!), err, I mean a BFF who lives up to her title. I would have never understood friendship if it wasn't for her.

High school freshman year was a great start. Although it was the year that I have been too sick to go to school more than once and it was the year that I lost my beloved lola, my batchmates had my back. I remember the day after my grandma's burial, I went back to school, I was crying and class H1-A never gave up on making me laugh! Sophomore year was a turning point for our batch. It was a point of maturity for all of us when we lost one dear batchmate and when we had our friendship tested during the annual cheerdance competition. Buckets of tears have spilled to garner victory, but alas, a victory was not met. We didn't emerge victorious, but we have learned our lesson which is why junior year was our road to success. As early as August we were already practicing for the cheerdance competition on January the next year. Thus, I am proud to say that we are the first junior batch that has ever won first place in the annual cheer dance competition! At that very day, January 13,2007, I was the happiest girl alive. My friends and I celebrated with unprecedented elation in our souls, and the best part, my first boyfriend was there to celebrate with us. Ah yes, the glory of first love. He was my neighbor when I was nine. We did lots of things together. We were like partners in crime when we would pull pranks. When I was twelve, I even heard ridiculous rumors that we already started dating. Sadly, his family had to move to the province later on. It had been years before we saw each other again. I was surprised to have received a call from him when I was fifteen. I was a hormone-driven teenager who needed excitement in her life, but I know better than wearing it on my sleeves. He was persistent, though, and in the end of just two months I gave in. But then after about three weeks, finals were coming up and I was just so busy all the time. I felt like I was being unfair to him, which made me rethink our relationship. The only thing that kept my faith was that I thought he understood my priorities. It was even because of him that I am a psychology major. He encouraged me to go after things because I want them not because my parents want them for me. I guess I was wrong to believe in fantasies, though there are no regrets in my degree choice. While I was busy building my future, he was busy frolicking with other girls. I got my heart broken for the first time. It was horrible, but nothing that time can't fix. I spent my summer teaching kids advanced classes, and before I knew it, it was the first day of senior year. My life was like a time bomb back then. College applications don't write themselves, you know. I only applied for the three best universities in the country because I know that's what everyone expects from me. Nonetheless, on top of all that, my world found time to stop and listen to my heart. I fell in love again, but this time I kept quiet about it because I thought it was just a crush and it would go away. It didn't. This time though, I knew it was a healthy obsession because there was nothing I wanted more than to come to school everyday and impress this guy as much as I can. It was a wild goose chase. I only got my mind off it because I got two out of three acceptance letters from the best universities I could ever dream of entering. Little did I know he also got his mind off me. Since then, everything went fast. It was January again, and our batch (we named ourselves Ruarcs) just won first place in the cheerdance competition again. We made history again by being the first batch ever to win a back to back championship! March came super quick. I was on the verge of tears during graduation. I just couldn't believe I'm moving to a different alma matter. I couldn't believe that Ruarcs -- all these kids I grew up with -- would just be a part of a sweet memory because we are all moving on to greener pastures. Thus, I am very very thankful that these kids, my teachers, my best friend, my first love are the ones I grew up with. I am very thankful that they made me into who I am today.

College was a roller coaster ride with extreme turns. Freshman year was a rocky start. It took me forever to catch up with the new transformative learning curriculum, trimester classes, and non-conservative, non-Filipino-Chinese culture. I was also recovering from a second heart-break, and, I met weird and annoying people, and devastatingly amazing people in my freshman block. Plus, I get to see my BFF a few times a week considering we are in the same college; nonetheless, the same course. When we gained the freedom to choose our schedules, my BFF, our new confidante and I arranged ours such that we are all in the same class all the time. I must say, we have the similar attitude of picking the easy way by avoiding the terror profs, but somehow we are magnets of horror. The three of us had been students of almost all the profs to avoid. Then again, I think it was awesome that we went through lots of trouble. I think it made me more confident of the knowledge that I have. Also, I knew that I would never be alone in any mission because I got two of my best buds with me to back me up. We went through several trials as a triad. Reports, projects, and most of all thesis. We worked everything we had to get that thesis done just the way our heaven-sent mentor liked it. He was awesome and I look up to him. He was the reason our thesis got nominated as outstanding thesis. Going back to sophomore year, the year we started our major psychology classes, I fell in love. I fell in love with psychology itself. Psychology was very empowering for me. I felt that I am getting to know the world a little better every time I learn something new from psychology. I developed this passion that made me sure of the mountain I chose to climb. I was enveloped in the world of psychology that I forgot about other facets of life, but I was perfectly happy where I was. The only thing that opened me up to the world was a smile. A smile that I first laid eyes on during my first class of junior year. He was perfect. I was captivated so easily. He made me do things I never thought I had the courage to do. He was so nice to me. I knew he was different. I was motivated more than ever to do well. I am very thankful for the all the inspiration, motivation and trials that I had to face during the three most stressful, most productive, most mind-shattering years of my life! I am thankful that they made me stronger than I already was.

In that same term, I met an amazing woman online. Actually, she is the very reason for this thank you note and the very reason for my continuing and growing love for psychology. When I met her on the night of August 27, 2010, I was only thinking about getting an amazing paper done. I never actually thought that I would have the epiphany of my life as a student, as a psychologist, or maybe even a person. She is not like any other person I have met. She is an inspiration not just to me, I assume, because she doesn't let her imperfection get in her way. I know that she must have struggled way more than I did, but there she is right now, being a person who is leaving a majestic legacy. She is the very reason for pursuing my dream to become a clinical psychologist. One that would make new discoveries and contribute even just a little to the progress of the said field. My parents may not want to support me now, but I learned not to give up because of this awesome person. I am very thankful that she came along in my life and helped me see the light. Hopefully, I get to return the favor someday.

I have met over one thousand unique and amazing individuals in my life. I have learned directly and indirectly from their awesomeness or lack thereof. However, the one person that tops everything would be the person that has been with me even before I ate real food, breathed real air, or even hear the world with my own ears -- my mom. At this point she refuses to fund my master's education, but I completely understand her. I know she wants me to see the world before I indulge myself into piles of papers again. She wants me to experience the freedom of earning my own money, and spending it the way I want to. Besides, it's not like she has not given every inch of support she could. She always knew how to make things better and easier for me, and this time I would accept her command to have me get a job before studying again even if at the back of my head the clinical psychologist in me is protesting about this detour. My mom is the best mom I could ever ask for. She may not be verbal, but her actions say everything she needs to. She worked two jobs and accepted a handful of sidelines to send me to the best college in the country. I love her and I am ultimately thankful that she has been there, still there, and will be there for me. I realize that June 25, 2011, the day of my graduation will be the day that I will start paying back everything she has done for me until she never has to work again in her entire life. I can't imagine life without her. Which is why, most of all, thank you, God for giving me a loving mother and for making everything possible. I am about to write new lines in my poetry and add images to the picture that I'm painting. Life is a big ball of crazy, but hey, someone has to live it, right?